Taking a Position Gets You Stuck

Have you ever lost the chance to mend a relationship, or create a better solution because you weren't willing to see the other person's point of view?

In the news, both locally and globally, there are huge pushbacks at government.  Perceived highhanded government stirs many emotions. With people being killed and/or injured as they protest, there is evidence that dialogue may not be an option for solving problems – actions speak louder than words. But is that really true?

In the U.S. we have plenty of “big guys” throwing their weight around.

In Wisconsin, where I live, Governor Scott Walker has made no bones about his position within his party and the view that “right” action comes in only one package. Across the country people watch and start taking positions of their own in response to similar actions by their legislators.

In many ways our personal lives are no different.

Compromise and Deal Making

My belief is that the outer world you occupy reflects the world inside. At the source of all the economic and political pressures, and environmental happenings, you find people. At the source of personal relationships you find people.

If you chose to hold a position of having the right view in your relationship, you will likely find yourself in conflict.

The outlook for compromise and deal making in Wisconsin is not good – going forward. What is the outlook for compromise and deal making in your relationship?

A New Mindset

I hear people talk about the pain in their relationships and how the other person is to blame in some way. I have been guilty of taking that view too. But when you take the high ground the result is not one of connection, workability, and ultimately happiness.

There is another mindset that brings results for both sides – become a beginner and acquire new skills.

My journey in life includes divorce. When I married for a second time secure in my view that I had a new mindset and better relationship skills, I was surprised to find some of the same upsetting things reoccurring

My attention was drawn to the fact that I was experiencing some of the same upsets with an entirely new person. But, there was one constant in the equation – me. I discovered that maintaining a beginner’s mindset is work always in progress.

What’s Next?

There is no substitute for the experiences of personal growth. Whether you are a child who has gotten burnt touching a hot burner on the stove, or an athlete pushing past the former record time for an event, there is valuable knowledge to be gained.

I have found that the first place to gain knowledge in relationships, is finding out about you. That can be a tall order. Drilling down further I recommend starting with your needs. Knowing your needs give you information about what is upsetting you. You have a place to focus.

The other person in your relationship has needs too, and these may be in conflict with yours.

Now we are back to dialoging, compromising and deal making. When emotions run high these can be challenging. You need a map, a way to navigate. Self- knowledge is a valuable place to start

How is it going for you

Let me know how working out compromises and deals is going for you. Have you found ways to create win/win in your relationship

Leave a comment I’d love to hear about your successes

…..just in case you want more

I’ve spent many years studying human beings, young and old, looking for better ways to create great relationships. There are lots of tools and guides to do this.

If you go to my site you can find my complimentary “Seven Days to Healthier Relationships” mini course to get you started.